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Upgrading from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
Attn: Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed that the
new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software,
severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was
included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many
other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and
OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight
1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation
8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no
circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've
tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility
is of limited effectiveness. Can you help please!!!!
Jane
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Dear Jane:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a
primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband
1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator
to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband
1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0 , because Husband 1.0 is
not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would
cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is
impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once
per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are
common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0 In desperation to play some of
their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work,
some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However,
these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.
Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support". You will
notice
that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3.
I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange
and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This a
wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company
as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL
responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To
activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME"
Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command.
Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
Flowers/Chocolates 7.8. TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature.
Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU
may have to give a C:\ APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to
normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to
GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, Beer 6.0 Beer 6.0 is a very bad program
that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave
files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following
this tech tip! Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the
blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently
run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran . Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it
does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally
recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction,
these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After
several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find
many valuable embedded features such as FixesBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling
4.2 and BestFriend 7.6. A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any
circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported
application, and will cause selective shut down of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0
is uninstalled. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to
install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck
in coming years.
We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!"